


lovely broken

by WithYourRhythm



Series: Naruto OC fics [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Attempted Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Baggage, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kumogakure | Hidden Cloud Village, M/M, Original Character(s), The Fall Of Uzushiogakure | Hidden Eddy Village
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24074788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithYourRhythm/pseuds/WithYourRhythm
Summary: He feels like he can finally breathe, and freedom tastes addicting on his tongue. He doesn't think he's ever going to give it up again.
Relationships: Karin (Naruto) & Original Character(s), Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Series: Naruto OC fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736887
Kudos: 6





	lovely broken

**Author's Note:**

> Not related to 'stars shining (in your eyes)' but yes, same original characters that belong to me, and not beta'd. Just a random, carelessly (badly) written piece.

"Ashura," A voice whispers behind him, and the tender touch of his friend presses against his shoulder. "There's nothing you can do."

Ashura knows that. It hurts, burns and tears his chest wide open, a wound that will never heal or scar over -it's his greatest weakness, this bleeding heart of his that gets him into trouble over and over again- and he presses his nails against his palm, hands forming fists by his sides, more and more pressure building up until all he can focus on is the pain radiating from them.

He knows he can't do anything _-not really, he just shouldn't do anything, but there's a choice, there's_ always _a choice-_ since this has nothing to do with him. He isn't a part of any of this, he already screwed up enough- hurt his family and friends over tiniest details just because they defied things he believed, caused their deaths and more. If he dares to move a finger, open his mouth to let out the burning words out of his mind and finally take that fresh breath he has been yearning for so long, what would that mean? After leaving his home to burn down to its ashes, if the thing that makes him take a step back ends up being a child he doesn't even know...

He doesn't like what that would say about him.

The child's sob repeats itself, as hurting as the previous ones, and just as deafening in the silence of the room Ashura is in with Kama, and-

 _What does this mean for me,_ Ashura wonders. _What does it mean if I really am willing to turn a blind eye on a helpless child's cries- a kid that can do nothing but sob out her pain or sadness, just because people want me to stay quiet and do what I'm told?_

But that isn't it, that isn't the question he has to ask himself, none of these are.

And at the end, it all comes to this: _Am I willing to turn a blind eye?_

"I know you don't like this." Kama's hand squeezes his shoulder, and Ashura can see his pained face in his mind despite not looking up to him. They've spent years together, laughing and crying and whispering secrets they were supposed to take to their graves, defying rules and life just for the support of each other- Ashura feels guilty that Kama has to see him like this.

But if there's someone that can keep him from doing anything rash, it's undoubtedly Kama- it seems the Elders know this too, since they sent him to Ashura's side.

So that's why he's here. Not for Ashura, no, he's supposed to make sure Ashura stays put and doesn't screw things up.

"Hey," Kama shakes him a little, his grip both supporting and restraining Ashura at the same time. "I don't like it either. Do you hear me- I don't like it either, Ashura." He lowers his head a little, trying to get Ashura to look at him, but Ashura turns his head away, hoping for the privacy of keeping the tears brimming in his eyes hidden.

For how much he loves the world and life, he hates it, hates all of this for a moment.

"But without rules, we're nothing- _just nothing,_ Ashura! The world would crumble down without orders to keep shinobi in line, and you can't do anything, not this time. _Please,_ just…"

Ashura closes his eyes, giving up on keeping himself from crying, and a tear slides down his face, drawing a wet and warm line down his cheek. He hates crying too, hates the way it makes him realize how powerless he has to be, how much of _himself_ he has to leave behind to fit in that space beside Kama in Kumogakure.

"...just not this time," Kama finally says, his voice cracking a little. "Let this _-let her-_ go this once, and I swear I'll make sure no one ever makes a child cry here again, no matter what. I need you to stop and listen to me just one more time- one last time. Just trust me, Ashura."

And _that-_ _god,_ that's _exactly_ why Kama is the best at keeping Ashura in his place, that goddamn idiot who Ashura once loved with all his heart, and these days he's just a manipulative little bastard who knows no boundaries that he won't stomp over to get what he wants. That's why Ashura knows _his_ Kama is long gone- it was also why he broke up with this idiot in the first place.

A stifled sniffing sound escapes from the next door- _the child's trying to stay quiet,_ Ashura's mind supplies, and that's the last drop.

"Screw the rules," He shrugs off Kama's hand from his shoulder and takes a step back. "I'm done trying to please the Elders, done with this whole 'no other choice' crap, because _there is!_ You just need to be brave or stupid enough to choose them, and I don't care which one I am, but _I will-_ " Taking a shaky breath, Ashura lowers his voice -he doesn't want to yell, he doesn't want to scare the child next door even more than she probably already is- "Gods help me, _I will_ do what I can. I'm done with sitting out in this game, and you better remember that, Kama."

Kama looks frozen, just like the night Ashura admitted that he knew Kama was making plans about things he wasn't even supposed to know, not unless he had gone through Ashura's work and personal notes that included information about the wards around Uzushiogakure without asking for permission. The quiet fear in his eyes makes Ashura realize- _he knows._

_He knows this is my breaking point. He hates this as much as I do, but he's not going to stop._

And this hurts too, opens another wound on Ashura's heart that won't heal anytime soon just like the others, but-

 _Good._ Satisfaction tastes bitter on his tongue, _I'm not going to, either._

"I'm _done."_ He repeats one more time to make himself realize how serious he is about this, because he really _is_ and he's actually going to do this, going to _move on and live instead of baring his throat to Kumo for Kama's sake,_ "If listening their orders is the only way for me to survive, then I'll die."

He realizes how true it is once he says it- he doesn't want to live as a prisoner. He's an Uzumaki, and Uzumaki don't bend if it means this- no, they _break._

He's been a failure for far too long. He wants to learn from his mistakes.

He shoulders Kama on his way to the door.

There's a child _-Karin, her name is Karin and she's 5-and-a-half and she's brilliant and wants to be a medic-nin just like her mother was-_ who Ashura needs to talk out of a panic attack, plans to think on, village to escape from- more than anything, a life he wants to live for himself, in a way he hasn't been doing for years, now.

He wants to die, today if Kama betrays him and tells the Elders what he's planning to do, or tomorrow when he's trying to escape from Kumogakure, or the day after in the hands of a missing-nin on road. He wants to die as _himself._

It feels like he can finally _breathe_ , and freedom tastes addicting on his tongue. He doesn't think he's ever going to give it up again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Tumblr as @withyourrhythm too.


End file.
